What if?

Yesterday was not the best of days.

There were 200 or so people in a room made for 150. I was one of the people standing along the back of the room trying to take notes on the back of the agenda while holding the other handouts.  The meeting was three hours long.  The microphone didn't work well.  Worse than all of this, the tone was typical of many government agencies.

You need to color within the lines !  No coloring outside the lines !  Ever !

Us community-types huddled like little parochial school children on the first day of kindergarten.

A few ventured random questions and were soundly scolded as I knew they would be. I had been in that room many times before.  I knew the drill. You have to figure out stuff on you own.  I can figure stuff out on my own.  I have been coming to this room for 10 years now.

After 2 1/2 hrs. or so, I saw my chance.  I slipped out undetected and made a hasty escape down the elevator.

I took a little walk in city hall park just to clear my head.  The expectations and obligations of life were like a 5 foot tap worm eating the life out of my bowels.  The tone of the meeting had crept into my thoughts about life generally.

Then a new thought crossed my mind -- a questions actually -- that went something like this:

What if you heard the words, "You are doing enough."
What if someone who truly knows said that I had done all I need to do?
What if there was no one left to impress?
What if there was no more wondering if I had been successful?
What if there was no more wondering what I need to do next to stay ahead?
What if no one ever yelled at you?
What if you didn't have to hold it together?
What if you didn't have to play any more games?
What if you never got in trouble for anything ever again?
What if you knew you were taking care of your family well?
What if there was no doubt they felt loved and cherished and protected?
What if your work could be filled with beauty and creativity?
What if you never had to worry about food on your table and clothes on your back?
What if you didn't have to wonder if someone might wrap your knuckles with a ruler?
What if you were accepted?
What if you were in?
What if you were no longer out?
What if you were accepted?
What if you were important?
What if you belonged?
What if you could rest?