In the Book of Matthew in the Bible, Jesus tells a bizarre story of judgment day at the end of time.
Folks are divided into two groups, the sheep and goats. The "sheep" are said to have fed, clothed, visited Jesus himself and the "goats" are said to have ignored him. I have always thought of this story as a firm warning to be sure that you feed, clothe, and visit people or you might get the axe on judgment day. That is certainly the most obvious point, but the other day I noticed how strikingly confused both groups were The goats are incredulous. "When did we not do all those things to you?" The sheep are similarly confused. "When did we do all those good things to you?"
There is an irony in goodness. It is not well-suited to measurement and verification. Even those doing good are confused about the relative value of what they are doing.
Like so many of Jesus teachings, He seems to be trying to confuse the score keepers. We want to measure our good deeds against our bad and make sure we are on the positive side of average at least. We are very invested in keeping score even it is sub-consciously. Have we made it? Are we winning or loosing? Jesus throws this line of thinking on its head. Most people who are good don't even know where they have been good. It appears to happen almost by accident.
Similarly, I have often found that my most loving deeds are mostly done for wrong reasons. I want to be noticed, recognized or at least thanked. If nothing else, I want the satisfaction of feeling I had made a difference. As the saying goes, I want something to "justify my existence." It seems the true sheep barely noticed when they had done something good or at least did not see the great significance in it. Perhaps that's because it wasn't about being noticed in the first place. It was just more of a spontaneous action springing from feeling accepted. The goats on the other hand were disappointed to discover that the "castles built on sand" were all washed away.
Similarly, I have often found that my most loving deeds are mostly done for wrong reasons. I want to be noticed, recognized or at least thanked. If nothing else, I want the satisfaction of feeling I had made a difference. As the saying goes, I want something to "justify my existence." It seems the true sheep barely noticed when they had done something good or at least did not see the great significance in it. Perhaps that's because it wasn't about being noticed in the first place. It was just more of a spontaneous action springing from feeling accepted. The goats on the other hand were disappointed to discover that the "castles built on sand" were all washed away.
This is not an isolated teaching. Other Scriptures talk about the importance of your good deeds being done in secret (Luke 17:10, Matthew 6:3). Its as if Jesus knew that self-satisfaction would drive many good deeds.
What is the way out of this dilemma? Picture yourself in a moment when you were most in love. What did you act like during those times? You probably opened the door for random strangers. Maybe you tipped better or stopped to pet a dog during your commute. When a person is overwhelmed with love, the goodness just sort of randomly flows out in all directions -- not in a clear transactional or strategic way. Certainly, you don't keep score. Thomas Merton just said it so well, "The root of Christian love is not the will to love, but the faith to believe that one is loved."
Forgive me if I sound harsh, but doing good for any other reason is an elaborate psychological mechanism to use the less fortunate to feel better about myself. I am sorry to say I know what I am talking about on this. I am an expert at it actually, but this is not the way of the sheep.
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