What is "playing the victim" exactly?

I noticed that when I make comments about racial issues or poverty or trauma and healing, one of the responses I get is that I am enabling a victim mindset.  "The're just playing the victim."  No one likes a whiner. This victim mindset is deeply abhorrent to basic American sensibilities.  

 

But it got me asking myself a question.  What is a victim mindset exactly and what is the alternative that I am actually striving for within my own heart?

 

The victim sees the world as a competition for compassion. Either my pain is legitimate and worthy of compassion or yours is legitimate and worthy of compassion.
The sufferer sees both the uniqueness and the commonality of pain.  For the sufferer, pain becomes a unifier.  They know that compassion is a renewable resource.

 

The victim finds it difficult to hear the stories of others with different pain.
The sufferer listens well because they know what it is like to feel pain.

 

Victimhood leads to paralysis.
Suffering leads to stillness.

 

Victims want an eye for an eye.
Sufferers are settled in their hope for justice and long for the day when it will come.  They know that it will be more severe than an eye for an eye.

 

Victims want restitution now.
Sufferers know that the struggle for justice is a long battle.

 

Victims see themselves as entirely unique.
Sufferers have had an entirely unique journey, but they delight in the commonalities and find solidarity in other's stories.

 

Victims stay in a state of unfocused anger.
Sufferers have a clear focus and vision for the future.

 

Victims feel powerless.
Sufferers know that they are both weak and powerful beyond words.

 

Victims are waiting for the abuser to make the next move.  Nothing can happen until there is at least an apology.

Sufferers move in strength with or without apologies.

 

Victims live in terror of further pain.
Sufferers know that they are stronger than any pain that could come. 

 

Victims require clarity. 
Sufferers live in the midst of many unanswered questions.

 

Victims focus on "me" and "mine."
Sufferers focus on justice and mercy and what is real.

 

Victims unconsciously carry pain from one situation into the next.
Sufferers are well aware of all of their pain.  They have cried through it all.

 

Victims minimize their pain in moments of pleasure.  Pleasure is an escape from their pain.
Sufferers bear their pain constantly, but they know that joy can coexist with pain, so they laugh a lot.

 

Victims unconsciously wish they were the abuser instead of the victim.
Sufferers know that the curse on the abuser is automatic, multi-faceted and thorough and is ultimately worse than anything they would ever want.

 

Victims feel smaller than their suffering.
Sufferers know that they are bigger than their victimization.

 

Victims are constantly trying to prove that their pain is legitimate.
Sufferers know their pain is legitimate and grieve that other's just don't get it.

 

Other times victims try to hide their own pain and delegitimize it.
Sufferers are never scared of their grief and shame. They are free to talk about it.

 

Victims tend to see others as victims.
Sufferers see others as sufferers. 

 

Victims obsess with "logical" arguments.
Sufferers know that the greatest truths in the world are like the wind - powerful, uncontrollable, inevitable.

 

Victims have difficulty finding effective solutions.
Sufferers are a mighty force for social justice and mercy that cannot be stopped.  Their tears are a mighty river that washes through the barren desert of self-protection, power, control, religiosity, and manipulation. 

 

You may want to be a sufferer, but be careful.  Throughout history they tend to get killed.