What is the big deal with money?

		If the "love of money is the root of all evil," why do I love money so much?  This is a question I asked myself today and the thought came to me, I don't actually like money, I like intangible things that I supposedly get with money. I counted 11 such things. 1. I like the feeling of being "responsible" rather than vulnerable. I would rather have AAA membership than risk bothering someone at 2 in the morning when my transmission goes out.  Frankly, I would rather have a new, big vehicle that doesn't "go out" and therefore, never need to bother anyone regarding transportation issues, ever.  2. As a matter of fact, I like flying and then renting a car.  That brings up the second thing I actually like, independence. I like independence a lot, but the third thing I like is close behind that.   3. I like being appreciated -- feeling like I have something to give that I am sure will be accepted. My wife surely will smile if I put a $50 gift card in her Christmas stocking. Will I get the same smile with a coupon for 48 hrs. of my undivided attention?  Who would ever want 48 hours with me?  My wife does, of course, but it is easier to give something that is not really me. The same is true for the kids at the YMCA. If I write a check, it will be appreciated. If I offer to tutor the same kids at the YMCA, will the kids think I am boring?   The homeless guy will smile if I give him $20. What will he do if I put my hand on his shoulder, look directly into his eyes, and ask him about his day and invite him home to share my left over rice?   4. I want to feel like an "effective leader." When I don't know how to lead my family, a few simple words can do amazing things. "Let's go to McDonalds," and I am immediately the hero.   5. I want to make good decisions.  Well actually I want to avoid making hard decisions. Is it a new washer or a trip to see my extended family?  When money is not a factor, the decision is easy, let's do both.   6. I want to be the safe guy.  When I got a quote for chimney repair recently, I could have shown the credit card and the potentially dangerous problem would disappear.  I don't like delaying solutions.  I want to be the safe guy or more than that, the miracle worker. Money can do that sometimes.   7. I want to be confident.  I really don't like doing things I don't know how to do. Back to the chimney repair, what about figuring out how to fix it myself?!?    8. I want a stress-free moment.  Coming out of a stressful meeting in Manhattan, there is nothing I like better than a few minutes of solace at Starbucks.  Or sometimes life at the office is just too much, and I have got to get away -- away to Dunkin Donuts.   9. I want to think I am creative.  I like going to places like "Build-a-Bear Workshop" where you pick out all the pieces and the machine makes it into an adorable teddy that everyone is bound to love.  It takes a whole new level of risk to pour out your creative energy into making pieces of art out of recycled trash.  Folks are more likely to wonder who forgot to take the trash out than they are to gaze in wonder at my creativity.   10. I want to feel cared for.  Forgive me if I sound like Freud, but I like to taste good healthy things. That $6 smoothly at Jamba Juice sure looks good. Maybe I should stop at Au Bon Pain to taste the triple chocolate brownie.  In the city, there is an endless supply of things that scream, come, relax and enjoy.  These things make me feel cared for -- really, eating good food is a nurturing experience.   11. I like feeling and looking professional and trendy (male equivalent of beautiful) rather than show my true looks.  Macy's sport coats or even new stuff at Target is so much better than that old stuff in my closet at home.    So I want money to get all these intangible things.  I want to be responsible, independent, and appreciated.  I long to be an effective leader who makes good decisions, is nice, confident, stress-free, cared for, and looking good all the while, so . . .  I will work hard and make that happen!    What's wrong with that?  That is the American way.  If only I would have checked "Mechanical Engineering, or Pre-Med, or Pre-Law," I would be there. I wouldn't be having this conversation with myself.  Or would I?   For me, this is one of the most revolutionary aspects of the Gospel and rocks my mind whenever I stop to think about it.  In spite of all of these benefits of having "enough," Jesus sings a different tune, "Looking at his disciples, he said: 'Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.'" (Luke 6:20). Paul adds, "Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction." (I Timothy 6:9).    What is Jesus saying?  He seems to have an issue with my core statement:     "I want to be responsible, independent, and appreciated.  I long to be a good leader who makes good decisions, is nice, confident, stress-free, cared for, and looking good all the while, so I will work hard and earn enough to make that happen  -- at all costs, even relationships, and my physical exhaustion."  Perhaps, the problem with this statement is that, Jesus says, "Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)  Maybe if He would respond to my blog, He would say,   Instead of trying to look responsible allow yourself to be thought irresponsible while being your true needy self. Instead of achieving independence, embrace mutual dependence. Instead of feeling appreciated for the things you give, give yourself whether it is appreciated or not. Instead of being a good leader by bribing and manipulating, lead boldly into the awkward dissonance. Instead of making easy decisions, remember that God offers wisdom to make the hard decisions. Instead of being the nice guy, you have the power to be the truly good guy. Instead of acting confident (which is really playing it safe), remember that true courage involves risk. Instead of grabbing the stress free moments that Starbucks offers, receive the peace that passes understanding. Instead of hiding behind others creativity, really create. Instead of caring for yourself with taste sensations, care for yourself by reminding yourself of the Father's words. "Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the Father" -- especially when that word is "This is my son in whom I am well pleased." Instead of trying to look good, remember that Jesus was naked on the cross while the Pharisees wore Prada. In short, be yourself in all of your needy, fearful, bland, ugly, boring, lonely, uncomfortable, unsuccessful, uncertain plainness. Stop trying to insulate yourself, then you will know that I am caring for you. Like the lilies, you will know rest for the very first time.

 

 

Is loneliness such a bad thing?

Not sure why, but my favorite time to jog is on a misty night. What some might call dreary or lonely, I think of as peaceful.  It's beautiful.  The park lights turn the asphalt into a bed of a million crystals. The droplets glisten everywhere. The world stands still. It's just me and the open road.  Like me, the trees are crying rain drops and yet are at peace. Nature is my cathedral and I move forward slowly down the aisle in awe and silence.  Tears and joy are equally welcome in this sacred space. Neither one needs explanation.

 

My spirit says that I was made for this.

 

Through the drizzle, it feels like there is a lonely Voice from outside of time calling me off the carousel of life. He is calling me into something too amazing and too simple for words.

I have always been an advocate for "community," but lately I have found peace in aloneness. There is a way in which we were meant to run our race alone. Doesn't the Bible say, "every man shall bear his own burden," and in another place, "To their own master, servants stand or fall."  Am I a depressed recluse or is something good happening here?  Could it be that silent worship is the path that leads me from loneliness to aloneness to wholeness?  Is this not a necessary journey?  If I were to bypass loneliness, wouldn't I miss out on something grand?

 

 "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness" - the Bible